Choices

               There are so many choices in our life that we must make. Some of these include what to wear, eat, act, and say. Especially, today we need to be careful in picking our words. It is easier in this time period to offend people. Therefore, yes, we have several different choices in our lives to make from the time we wake up to the time we fall asleep. However, this is not what I am talking about today in this post. Today, I am talking about the choice to date.

              What is dating? Is it just spending time with someone? Maybe, just being around them? Neither of these are true. Spending time with someone and just being around them is just hanging out. If dating and hanging out are different then what are the differences between them? First, dating in the dictionary states, “going out with someone you are romantically interested in”. I am going to elaborate on this by giving an example. If someone asks you on a date, what do you expect? Do you expect a night in just watching a movie or do you expect something thought out and planned? I don’t know about you, but I expect something planned. Going on a date is a time for you to get to know the person that you are interested in more. In my opinion, you should stay away from places where you can’t have a conversation. Movie theaters kill the chance to get to know someone. They make it hard to talk to the person and get to know them. Dating is the chance you get to see the different sides of the person you are attracted to. This is how you learn if they are someone you want to continue dating.  Hanging out is mainly just being in the persons' presents. The definition of hanging out even says that it is an amount of time you spend in a place or with a person. You can hang out with a place, by yourself, so why would you want to just hang out with the person you are interested in.  

              The dating process can be so complicated and how do you know that you are doing it right. First, you need to know what you like. You must figure out what you want in a potential partner and what would make you run in the other direction. What are your red flags and what are your green ones? You might even have some orange ones that make you slow down the progress of your relationship with that person. To learn what these attributes are that you like and dislike you should go on several dates with several different people. Don’t be afraid to date around. Learn from the different people what you like and what you don’t. Eventually, you will have a list that is specific to you. Then once you find that person that matches that list well and you really like this person try dating them. Go on several dates with this person, get to know them, and decide if you want to take your relationship to the next level. The next step is courting or the trial. This is when you are only going on dates with each other. You are exclusive. However, you still need to go on dates with this person. That is the only way that you two will build a stronger relationship and get to know each other on a different level. If you are just hanging out, you do not gain that same connection. Remember, dating does not have to be expensive. Then if you progress to the next level, you become engaged. During this time, you need to still date, maybe go out once a week. It does not have to be every day or four times a week. Finally, the last step is marriage and yes, you should still be going on dates after you are married. This is how you get that one-on-one time with your spouse to continue to build the connection you already have between you. During your time dating refers to the three T’s. First togetherness, this is shared experiences. Whether that be on a hike, playing a sport, or doing some other fun activity together. The second talk, this is mutual self-disclosure. Both parties need to be willing to be open and talk about their feelings and thoughts. The third time, it takes three months to begin to know someone. You do not know the person as well as you would if you had only known them for one month.

              Remember that dating and hanging out are two different things. Be careful in what you do on a date and choose wisely with who you pursue.

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